I remember many occasions when the topic of conversation that came up at social gatherings was the question, "Well, when did you really start to feel like an adult?" It was always a puzzling question for me, and, I guess, for my friends because "what does a grown up feel like?" Even though I'm 68 years old and a grandfather, I still do not believe I can answer that question.
This past Sunday, August 22, 2010 the New York Times Magazine ran another really interesting article touching on an issue of psychology. Robin Marantz Henig ran an interesting article entitled, The Post-Adolescent, Pre-Adult, Not Quite-Decided Life Stage. The article is based on research done by Clark University psychologist, Jeffrey Arnette. I like anything that comes out of Clark University because that is the school my daughter graduated from with her undergraduate degree. Its also where Sigmund Freud lectured during the early part of the last century when psychologist G. Stanley Hall was there. He invited Freud to come and speak. So, who am I to ignore the work of someone on the faculty of a school with such august figures in its history?
In any case, Dr. Arnette is asserting that the "twenties" is a new developmental stage. "Twenty Something is no longer adolescent and not quite adult. Its what he describes as the "not quite decided life stage." Of course this is not true of all twenty something people. There are many who have settled into their careers, are married and starting to raise children. However, there are many more who remain uncommitted. While they may be dating and working at a job, they have not decided on their career. In addition, they are not ready to marry.
It is Dr. Arnette's point that these young people have nothing wrong with them and are, in fact, acting normal when they are living at home and accepting help from their parents.
Why does he consider this normal today? According to Henig, who discusses Arnette and his research, there have been many changes during the last fifty years that have made full adulthood a somewhat delayed process. For example, it now takes many more years to complete an education because it stretches into graduate and post graduate education. In addition, the economy is such that it is impossible for many to find jobs and live independently immediately after college. Of course, there is always the question of whether parents were are too over protective making it more difficult for the young to leave home and become independent.
Even when these young adults do not remain at home, they often go out into the world and live unstable lives in which they move from one job to the next, use drugs, consume lots of alcohol and travel. This is part of the entire process of gaining a sense of self definition. Many have are not ready to self focus just because college education has ended. In fact, the shock of no longer having the structure of school, after two decades of development, is itself a shock.
So, from Dr. Arnette's point of view, the fact that many young people have not fully achieved self definition, self focus, made a commitment to work and to intimacy, continue experimenting with new experiences and remain undecided, does not mean they are ill or problematic. He states that they are in the stage of "emerging adulthood."
Speaking for myself, Arnette's findings make perfect sense. During my twenties I was not at all ready to make all of those choices, nor did I feel like an adult. Frankly, I expected the world to react to me as an adult but that did not happen. It seemed like the reaction I was getting was still as a kid compared to adults. Now, that does not happen. Now I get respect. People even call me "sir." Of course, now, what hair I do have on my head is gray. Ah well, you just can't win.
Your comments are, as always, sought after. Do you feel adult and when did that start. Are you twenty something and what is it like for you. Please post your comments.
Allan N. Schwartz, PhD
