As mentioned throughout this article, the inability to conceive a child is emotionally difficult at best and can easily become devastating. Infertility treatment itself is physically and emotionally demanding, expensive (and not typically covered by insurance) and offers no guarantees of success. There is a great deal of randomness to the process as well. Your first treatment may result in a pregnancy, or you may endure multiple procedures without success.
There are several things that can help you cope with these painful realities. First of all, it is important to understand that a great sense of loss, disappointment, or the like, is completely normal in the face of infertility. Such reactions can be very intense, and it is important to not feel guilty about having these emotions.
Throughout the process of discovering and trying to remedy infertility it is also important to capitalize on existing supportive relationships. Support may come from your partner, or it may be drawn from extended family, peer groups, your community or the like. In addition, there are often support groups in surrounding communities and online sites. Infertility doctors are frequently aware of local area support groups.
If you are undergoing infertility diagnosis and treatment with a partner, it is especially crucial to cultivate open communication and mutual support. It is very easy to start blaming each other. If the source of the infertility is localized to you or your partner, it is very easy for you to start blaming your partner for the failure, or to blame yourself. Blame doesn't help things, of course, and it is typically cruel as well. Infertility is generally not anyone's fault. No one wants to be infertile. It just happens.
Frustration is the normal experience of infertile couples that want to become parents. The process of infertility treatment often leads to dramatic ups and downs of emotion as one treatment is started or one treatment fails. Both partners may experience a range of intense emotions, from hope to excitement and regret, as well as disappointment, guilt, sadness, and happiness. Further complicating things is the fact that each partner may be feeling different emotions on the spectrum at different times. It can be a challenge for both partners to respect where the other is on their emotional spectrum, and to not allow infertility stress to destroy the relationship.
One way to create solidarity between you and your partner is to take time away from the pressures of infertility and take part in a mutually-enjoyable activity; a mental and/or physical get-a-way or holiday. This could be as simple as an afternoon picnic in the park, a movie, or a trip to a favorite scenic spot or restaurant.
In addition, it is important for you and your partner to communicate openly and honestly with one another. You should endeavor to make decisions jointly and to make sure that both partners understand the pros and cons of individual treatment decisions prior to embarking on fertility treatment. Discussions should be supplemented with educational information on fertility, its causes and its treatments. Also included in these discussions should be the financial considerations of fertility treatment; where the money to pay for infertility treatment will come from, what sacrifices will be required to pay that money off, and what limits will be put on how much will be spent. It may also be useful to set time limits for how long you are willing to attempt fertility treatments.
While contemplating or undergoing fertility treatments, it is important to also maintain other past-times and hobbies. As is the general case with regard to living life effectively, it is best to try to have balance in your life. This may mean making it a priority to continue to take part in physical activity, painting, or whatever you enjoyed doing prior to your recognition of infertility. Moreover, there may be activities you don't want to participate in anymore. For instance, children's birthday parties, baby showers, or the like may be painful experiences. It is totally normal to have this response and is okay to opt not to attend such events.
Serious conditions such as major depression can result, in part from the disappointments, which may be associated with infertility treatment. Signs and symptoms of depression can include: inability to sleep or sleeping very often, changes in appetite (either eating more or less), weight loss or gain, inability to enjoy activities that were previously enjoyable, overwhelming feelings of guilt, or increasing temper or irritability. Depression is a treatable condition, which may respond to both psychotherapy and medication. It is appropriate to seek out professional mental health counseling in the event that your relationship deteriorates significantly, or if your own mental health or the mental health of your partner suffers.
