Labor Day is approaching and as it does the remaining schools around the nation that have not yet opened will do so after that holiday.
When I was a boy growing up in the Bronx, New York, there was a department store that especially catered to children. It was known as "Robert Hall." I will never forget the then famous radio and television jingle that always appeared at the end of August and into September. Here are a few of the lyrics but I cannot recreate the music:
"School bells ring,
and children sing,
its back to Robert Hall again,
etc."
Ah, what memories.....I hated the jingle and the entire notion of "back to school!!!!!" Parents were happy we were all returning to school. Me??, No. What could possibly be happy about homework, long boring school days and unfriendly friends. There was another little jingle that, was handed down to us from previous generations of school children. It was a chant more than a jingle, kind of like a football chant:
"Bars on the windows,
bars on the doors,
next thing you know,
there'll be bars on the floors!!!!!"
The fact is that then, as now, many children feel anxious and depressed as school approaches. There is no way for parents to protect children from the inevitable process of growing up. In fact, it would not be desirable to protect children from life. However, there are things that parents can do to help ease the way for their children as they return to school:
1. Many children worry about making friends in school. They fear rejection and isolation. This is true not only for children who are beginning school for the first time, but for those who have moved and now begin attendance at a new school where they do not know anyone.
To help ease the way for younger children, it is a good idea for parents to befriend the mothers and fathers of some of the other children in class. That way, they can arrange play dates for their kids and that can help adjustment in school.
For older youngsters in Middle and High School, its important to encourage participating in as many extra curricular activities as possible. Most of these take place after school hours and enable students to get to know one another.
2. It is important for parents to be reassuring to children as the summer comes to a close. One way to do this is to remind them of the successes they had last year. This is true even for the youngest who may have attended nursery school or pre kindergarten the previous year.
3. I have always encouraged parents and children to have several trial runs prior to when schools officially open. This is especially important when youngsters begin a new school. For example, learning the route to school, visiting and touring the inside of the school building and identifying such places as the classrooms, bathrooms, gymnasium, principals office, etc. can be very assuring for young people.
As part of this, it is not a bad idea to see if its possible for your child and you to meet the new teacher and get to know that person. This also helps make the first day of school feel less intimidating.
4. Its important for parents to convey a positive attitude about school and to be upbeat. This can help reassure children.
5. Allow your children to express their worries, fears and concerns. If possible, see if you can help address these worries in ways that are positive.
6. Once school begins, help your children with their homework. Parental help can be very reassuring for kids. However, its important that parents be very patient with their children. It is counter productive to get angry with a child if and when they have difficulty understanding something in the homework.
I believe that part of the problem I had with school during my very early days was that I had no one I could really talk to about my fears and self doubts. The attitude that my family conveyed to me or that I interpreted, rightly or wrongly, was that I was supposed to love school and want to attend. After all, everyone else in the family had done so, or so I was told.
Be there for your children by being supportive, encouraging and enthusiastic while also listening to what they have to say.
Your comments and questions are strongly encouraged.
Allan N. Schwartz, PhD.
