Question:
I recently found out that my husband is a cross dresser. I have been married to him for 23 years and have 3 teenage children. This is very upsetting to our family. He refuses to see how this upsets us. He has a 21 year old son who is really having problems. I love my husband, but I don’t love what he is doing. He goes to work with bras and long fingernails on. He wears make-up, and I know that he has been seeing prostitutes for sex. I am not turned on by his make-up or his dresses; he doesn’t understand why. I find it a turn off. What can I do?
- ‘Anne’ is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
- ‘Anne’ bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by ‘Anne’ to people submitting questions.
- ‘Anne’, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. ‘Anne’ and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:
How long has this been going on? Finding out about this after 23 years of marriage is tough to grasp. You need to decide what you want in this marriage. Your marriage is definitely experiencing some problems, to say the least. Talk to your husband and tell him that you still love him, while letting him know how unhappy you are. See if the whole family will go in for therapy. Let him know that his actions are affecting the entire family. It is no surprise that your son is having problems handling this. Another option (if your husband refuses to seek therapy) is for the family to sit down and discuss this situation rationally. That way everyone can talk in private and try to understand each others’ thoughts and feelings. Hopefully you can work this out. I also want to remind you of the dangers your husband is exposing you to by having sex with prostitutes. There are many diseases that can be spread various ways (not just sexually). Keep this in mind if you plan on trying to salvage your marriage. Sincerely, – Anne
- Ask Anne
