Question:
Hi!
So, a while ago I was about to have sex with my girlfriend. it was the first time for both of us, we are both 18. After getting stressed out and thinking about asking her if we should, I was unable to get an erection. This was the first time I’ve ever had trouble with such a thing. Since then I have found it hard to masturbate to porn, and even be turned on by my girlfriend like I used to. I feel like my sex drive has totally gone out the window! I’m figuring this is all just in my head but I need to know how to get over this. I know for a fact that my girlfriend wants to have sex, but I no longer want to at all, although I know avoiding it will cause damage to our relationship. What is wrong with me and how should I go about getting back to how used to be!?
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Answer:
There is nothing wrong with you at all. Anxiety is the reason why you are having difficulty with an erection. If I understand correctly, neither you nor your girlfriend have had sex before. While I think that is what you mean, I also realize that it may be the first time you are having sex with each other. Well, either way, anxiety gets in the way, whether it’s the very first time or the first time with a particular person. This is a very common problem because having sex for the first time or for the first time with a new person is stressful for most people.
It’s important that you not avoid having sex with your girlfriend. Avoiding having sex with her will only make you feel more anxious. I recommend that you stop masturbating. I don’t mean that you should never masturbate but that you should not do it until you have finally and successfully had sex together. By not masturbating, you will increase your sexual drive and make it easier to get an erection when you are with her.
The fact is that anxiety is stress and stress is worrying. Both of you are young. Just give yourselves a chance to learn about having sex and grow into it gradually.
So, for now, stop masturbating and plan, with your girlfriend, on having sex and let nature take it’s course. By the way, be sure to use protection. Be sure to use a condom to protect both of you and to protect against pregnancy.
Breath deeply and focus on your girlfriend and not on your erection. Both of you, take your time and things will happen. Also, discuss this with her. She is your partner and the two of you are there to help each other. Remember, it’s a good bet that she is also nervous because it’s her first time.
I would add one more thing: The two of you should take it slow, spend time on touching and feeling and kissing. Too many people think they are supposed to rush into the intercourse. Not so. Let things happen and try not to worry about it.There is nothing wrong with you.
Good luck
