Question:
Is it normal with OCD to have thoughts of a significant other “cheating” on you? I have this thought of him being unfaithful with one of my friends, but I’m pretty sure that it’s just an obsessive thought from OCD. I haven’t been diagnosed professionally, but was wondering if maybe this sort of “worrying” comes from the disorder. I know he would never to anything to hurt me, and believe me I wouldn’t either. I even went through a stage where I was scared about cheating on him. It’s just that this has really got me upset all day for no good reason. Is there any suggestions on what I should do? I’m going to see a therapist or phsychiatrist when I get back home, but just wanted to know if this is normal. Thanks.
- Dr. Dombeck responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
- Dr. Dombeck intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Dombeck to people submitting questions.
- Dr. Dombeck, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Dombeck and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.
Answer:
I’m glad to hear that you’ll be going to see a mental health professional about this, becuase if what you’re dealing with is OCD, there are actually treatments that can help some. Please see a Psychiatrist, rather than a therapist to save yourself some time. A Psychiatrist can actually diagnose disorders, while many therapists don’t have that sort of training. The title “Therapist” is not typically a protected term, and many professions (and many people without a mental health background even) can call themselves that. A Psychiatrist is also in the position to provide medication for OCD if in fact that disorder fits you. Medication is one of the treatments that can help.
In so far as what is normal for an OCD person to obsess about, I’d say that being obsessed with the idea that your significant other is cheating on you would be a fairly common sort of obsession to experience. This is a sort of fear that many people have from time to time. With OCD or other “cognitive” illnesses, this sort of normal fear can become magnified all out of proportion until it becomes an obsession you cannot put down. All sorts of ideas can become obsessions for vulnerable people and some are far more outlandish than this one.
Obsessionality is what happens when a vulnerable brain comes into contact with the natural enough urge most all people have to want to have control over their lives. The thing is, however, that nobody has perfect control over their lives. We all do what we can to make things happen that we want to happen, and to avoid things we know will hurt us, but we aren’t perfect, and we don’t have ultimate control. There are many things we have to simply tolerate and try to make the best of. You are fortunate that there are some medical treatments for this sort of thing, but they aren’t perfect either. You may wish to look into means of coping that help people to relax and tolerate otherwise intolerable situations, such as meditation and/or yoga or psychotherapies such as Acceptance and Committment Therapy or Dialectical Behavior Therapy that have a mindfulness or self-soothing componant. Cognitive therapies may be quite helpful too, as they teach you how to talk back to your obsessional thoughts and to reality test.
