Question:
I Was diagnosed with adhd at 24 the backgroung showed it basically , I have always been defian i am in psychiatric care but have thoughts and feelings of harm of knifes and things like that only i dotr act on it cld i have a personality disorder I am on medication for the adhd , my memory has vastly improved, for remembering things but my concentratiion can stuill be bad with certain, things I never ust to remember what i did during the day, now I can play things over in my mind like a dvd to where i Was at a place or a tim , have talents for writing poetrry but still feel like i dont like anyone and feeel violence but dont show it.
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Answer:
The fact that you have violent thoughts and fantasies does not mean that "you are off your head" but it does mean that there is more going on for you than ADHD alone. For example, it is common for people with ADHD to experience a lot of depression. In addition, you mention that you have ADHD along with a defiant disorder. The combination of these things adds up to the reasons why you have violent thoughts and fantasies. People do not realize it but depression carries with it a good deal of anger and irritability.
While it is a good thing that you are taking medication for you ADHD it sounds very much like you need additional medication to calm your anger, agitation and depression. I want to assure you that it is extremely common for people with ADHD to take additional medications for the associated problems with which they struggle.
I also want to strongly encourage you to speak to your Psychiatrist about your thoughts and fantasies so that he can help you overcome these and so that you will feel much better.
Finally, I want to repeat something I often say on this web site: It is important that you attend psychotherapy along with taking the medications. Psychotherapy will help you learn how to plan better and how to lower the stress and anger that you frequently feel.
Obviously, you are worried about your symptoms which are why you have written to us for advice. That is a good thing. You may also be fearful of telling your psychiatrist about you thoughts and feelings for fear of what he will think of you. Do not be afraid. Your doctor will not be surprised because these are common symptoms of ADD with Oppositional disorder. He is there to help you and he will.
Best of Luck
