Question:
Help! I have a 13 year old son who is out of control. He was diagnosed with ADD in the past (about 2 years ago) and he has had some fine motor skill problems. I will try to sum it up as much as possible. He is very disrespectful, takes everything literal, argues with everything I say even when he is asking me for the help, can not control his anger, is eating as if he was never taught manners (with his fingers) and nothing is ever enough for him. He speaks to me like he hates me and has actually told me he does. I’ve been a wonderful mother to him and he thinks I’m so horrible. I understand the teenage years, but he is totally overboard. He rarely ever has anything nice to say to me. He’s been raised in a very loving family and he is very blessed to have the things he has. We recently moved to a new home in a better school district, which is about 40 minutes from where we were, but I know this can’t be the problem because this started before the move.
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Answer:
Your son has been diagnosed with ADD and has fine motor skills. What this means is that he is struggling with a number of issues which, at age thirteen, are particularly troubling to him.
Thirteen is an age which can be difficult for many youngsters and their families. For one thing, the sexual and growth hormones are flowing at an amazing rate of speed. Young teenagers begin to experience changes in their bodies which excite and terrify them at the same time. Boys start to see, talk about and think about girls in ways that they never have before. School can become more difficult to focus on because of all of these changes. Many young people at this time can become somewhat rebellious at home; attempting to gain more freedom and autonomy while feeling scared of those very same feelings.
When ADD and fine motor skill problems are added to the mix of everything else that is happening to them the results can be what you are discussing in your E. Mail. For example, fine motor coordination is important to many things such as handwriting, athletic skills, neatness, and even tying shoe laces and zipping a jacket. Experiencing difficulties with these things provokes feelings of shame and embarrassment in any teenager. In addition, ADD has a negative effect on concentration and school performance. Most youngsters with ADD have problems writing their homework assignments in their notebook in a timely manner. This interferes with the ability to get the homework done. In the best of cases, children with ADD have difficulty getting their assignments completed and handed in to the teacher.
Finally, ADD can and often does affect the ability of a youngster to control impulses. The lack of impulse control might explain why he is so difficult to control and live with at home. When you consider all he is going through as a young teenager it is no surprise he is being so difficult to live with.
What to Do:
If it has not already happened, your son needs to be on one of the many medications available to help him focus his attention and improve his performance. In addition, he needs to be in a specific type of therapy with a specialist in ADD so that he can learn how to handle his feeling, impulses and lack of organization. This is a specialty in psychiatry and psychology. Your son really needs a focused type of treatment that will address and improve his areas of poor performance.
